I wish I wasn't so hopelessly boring. So oddly discomfited and socially awkward that people grow bored and restless simply talking to me, like they'd prefer to be somewhere else, with someone else. And I hate myself for that. I hate the way I can't excite a soul, can't carry a conversation or make someone laugh. So willing to please that I stumble over my words, get too flustered and distressed. Then I acquire this tendency of distancing myself away, when people became emotionally close. Maybe it's the way I know they'll leave me in the end. Because everyone around me always does. And I don't wanna dislike myself more then I already do.
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